Guts?

There are so many things that I've wanted to write about here. I would love to use this space and my (small) invisible audience to vent some things that roll around in my mind endlessly, giving me very few moments of real peace. I'm not quite sure I'm ready to do that.

Honestly, I'm pretty distracted these days. We have a lot going on, and the day-to-day with the kids keeps me really busy. That helps keep me from dwelling on anything that's bothering me, anything that's raw, anything that brings up yucky feelings. The truth, though, is that when things quiet down, when the wheels stop spinning, all those things come rushing to the front of my mind sometimes, and it's pretty overwhelming.

One thing I've been trying to do, when the thoughts start to take over, is to shift my focus to something that would help or benefit someone else. It could be something simple, like saying a prayer for someone, or it could be a bigger project. Between that and my usual daily duties, my brain stays pretty occupied. For the past few days, I've been working on cleaning and organizing the girls' room and closet. Boy, talk about a JOB! Whew! That would be enough to drive a sane person totally nuts! Anyway...it kept me busy, for sure!

(I may or may not have threatened their lives if they ever junked it up like that again...)

I need to be better about writing here and just getting some things unloaded. I'll try! Also, more pictures and updates on family stuff. It's all coming...promise.

A new beginning?

Several years ago, I decided that I would attempt to revive my little blog and make myself accountable for posting on a regular basis. Well, we all know that didn't exactly pan out.

Today is the first day of another new year, and I think I really want to open this up again, to recreate this outlet for myself. I remember how much I used to enjoy sharing little pieces of my life and all the crazy things we experience as a family, and I miss being able to have the time (and the motivation) to keep it going.

Also, my mother recently told me (while in hysterics over something my children did or said) that she would pay me $10,000 if I wrote a book. I wonder if she was serious?

Anyway, stay tuned! There may (or may not) be more posts coming.

A new year, another start

I have been seriously neglecting this blog for a full year now. I've missed being able to come and write for so many reasons, but just haven't made it a priority because of all the other things we have going on in our home! I really hate New Year's Resolutions, but if I am going to make one at all, I'm going to resolve to be more diligent about updating here. So, there you have it. Happy New Year!

Matthew's arrival brought so much more to our lives, and while most of it was really great, some of it wasn't. We made it through the extremely complicated beginning, however, and were finally able to take a breath and just enjoy our newest little one, who is the absolute sweetest boy on the planet! It is completely unbelievable that he is going to be ONE already - in just a couple of days! It's just not possible that an entire year has flown by. We'll be celebrating this weekend with family, so be watching for the photo bomb that will inevitably follow.

We also celebrated Ethan and Nicholas's birthdays in December, and I'll get some photos up from their party as well. They're deep in a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles phase right now. It's like a flashback to my childhood, playing TMNT with my brother and watching the cartoons, so I don't mind it much.

We had several fun Christmas get-togethers with family, and the kids acquired every toy on the entire stinking planet. Once again, it looks like Toys 'R' Us threw up in my house.

I hope everyone has an amazing 2014! May it be filled with joy and abundant blessings!

My list

I missed church again last Sunday. It's becoming a frequent occurrence now, and I really wish it weren't. The first obstacle I have is that there are six people in my house. We leave for church at about 8:45 in the morning, so that gives me two hours after the kids all wake up to make sure everyone is fed, cleaned up, dressed, etc. before we walk out the door (and this includes myself, of course). Usually, what happens is that Nathan and I get everyone through breakfast, bathroom stuff, and we get them dressed, then we look at the clock and realize we only have 20 minutes before we have to leave. At that point, it's pretty common for me to still be wearing pajamas and no makeup. Sometimes, it just doesn't happen. Other Sunday mornings, we all manage to be ready to go on time, and we get there just the way we're supposed to. However, my second stumbling block is Miss Anna. She does NOT like going into the nursery. At all. She hates it, in fact. If I go in there and sit on the floor with her, she's fine (as long as she keeps one hand on me at all times). The few times that I've tried to leave here there have been disastrous. Either she screams her head off until someone comes to get me, or she makes herself sick (she threw up all over one of the nursery workers one morning). If I take her to Sunday school or worship service with me, she gets bored, starts babbling (loudly), and I have to take her out and walk the halls with her until it's time to go home or she falls asleep. Needless to say, even when I'm able to make it into the church building, I still haven't heard a Sunday school lesson or church sermon in months. It's very frustrating.

Anyway, I didn't make it this week - again. A good friend of mine, upon learning that I was at home on a Sunday morning, gave me an assignment. She wanted me to make a list of 50 things that I was thankful for (thankful to God, that is). She told me that I had to be pretty specific - no "stating the obvious," as she put it. At first, I thought, "I have so much to be thankful for! This will be super easy!" Well, I do have a lot to be thankful for, but it turned out to be much more difficult than I originally anticipated when it came to actually writing it all down!

So, here is my list. There are a few "obvious" things on there, but they are truly my biggest blessings. Some are a little silly, too, but if you can't laugh at life, then you're just never going to have any fun.

1. Nathan
2. Ethan
3. Nicholas
4. Zoe
5. Anna
6. My miscarriages - the babies I lost. I loved them, too. They helped to put things in perspective for me and remind me that I should never take my children (the ones I have and any more that may come) for granted.
7. Love - even when my kids make me insane and Nathan and I irritate each other, we always have love here in our home. So, so much love.
8. My family (immediate and extended) - we might be strange, but we're all we've got!
9. Nathan's family - they all accepted me as their own, from the moment Nathan proposed. I couldn't have hand-picked better in-laws!
10. The fact that our entire family (both sides) lives close by and we see everyone so often.
11. Godly examples of marriage that we've been given (and are still given) in my parents, Nathan's parents, and my grandparents.
12. That our parents had us in church from an early age, were continually faithful, and were (and still are) wonderful models of Christianity for us. That they've instilled a knowledge of right and wrong within us.
13. Financial freedom because of Nathan's practicality and frugality, through Biblical principles and the incredible guiding hand of his Dad. We are debt-free!
14. Nathan's business. He is our breadwinner, the backbone of our family, and he did it all himself. If it weren't for his unfailing commitment to bust his butt all day, every day, we wouldn't have the life we have now.
15. My stay-at-home mom status. This is through God's constant provision of work and income through my incredible husband. I might complain sometimes, but I know that I have an incredible opportunity that others don't, and I'm trying so hard to appreciate it (even when the kids are destroying my house and punching one another in the face)!
16. Our home. Not only did we design and build it ourselves (well, Nathan did), it's completely paid for. It really is OURS.
17. Our vehicles. Again, we are debt-free, and we have several working vehicles so we can go where we need to go! So many people don't have a car, or they're slaving away to pay for a car, just to go to work and make more money for the next payment. 
18. My education and my ability to learn. I might be a stay-at-home mom, but I do have a college degree (with honors)! I really appreciate the sacrifices my parents made to help me realize that goal, and I am so grateful that I was able to go learn and better myself.
19. Our health. Neither Nathan nor I have any health conditions or problems, we don't have to take any medications, and we rarely get sick. Our children are also extremely healthy and haven't ever had any major health problems.
20. Fertility. Where so many couples have horrible struggles, we are immeasurably blessed.
21. The ability to carry a baby to term and deliver without medical intervention, and the fact that I've been able to do this four times without any serious problems.
22. Modern medicine (mostly epidurals, although I did have one birth without drugs!).
23. FOOD! Enough said.
24. The fact that I can prepare decent meals for my family, from scratch, without completely screwing them up or killing anyone.
25. Free will. God knows I'm going to mess up, but He lets me make my own choices anyway. I'm glad to know that He's still there, waiting with open arms, when I come crawling back.
26. Mistakes and failures. See above. These things aren't fun, but they've made me the person I am today, and I wouldn't trade that for anything.
27. The fact that God is not done with me yet! I'm still growing and changing!
28. The ability to take control of my health and my body. Here's to making them better!
29. The gift of common sense. Thank you, Lord, that I am not as dumb as others.
30. Our church. It isn't perfect, and we've had our share of trials, but we're part of a family, and it's a really important piece of our lives.
31. Ministry opportunities in church, such as Vacation Bible School, where I can be involved, have fun, and be a servant.
32. My ladies' Bible study group. I'm really looking forward to the next study in the fall!
33. The gift of discernment, and the ability to use it without being judgmental.
34. The internet.
35. My BN's. Those girls ROCK!
36. Friends old and new, near and far.
37. Scrapbooking - instant stress relief.
38. Chocolate.
39. Texas! I love living here.
40. Flip flops, especially the cheapies from Old Navy.
41. My sense of humor.
42. Those that can appreciate my sense of humor.
43. My musical ear, so that when I sing in the car, my children's ears don't bleed.
44. Sonic Happy Hour. Half-priced drinks can never be wrong.
45. Family trips and vacations.
46. The ability to express myself through writing.
47. Bath and Body Works.
48. The ability to use my limited artistic ability to make cool things for others.
49. Pajamas!
50. My mommy body. After seven pregnancies and four babies, it's not the most attractive, and some things don't work like they used to, but every mark and dimple is there for a reason. I'm proud of how far I've come, and that I'm still here to tell the stories!

This was not an easy exercise for me, but it was one of the greatest things I've done in a long time. I would encourage all of you to sit down and list your 50 as well. It will really wake you up and make you very aware of just how much you truly have to be thankful for, in detail! The funny thing is, I had such a hard time starting this list, but now I can think of lots more! Maybe I'll keep going?

Amanda, thank you so much for making me do this!

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"Count Your Blessings"
A hymn written by Rev. Johnson Oatman, Jr.
Published in 1897.

When upon life’s billows you are tempest tossed,
When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

Count your blessings, name them one by one,
Count your blessings, see what God hath done!
Count your blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

Are you ever burdened with a load of care?
Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?
Count your many blessings, every doubt will fly,
And you will keep singing as the days go by.

Count your blessings, name them one by one,
Count your blessings, see what God hath done!
Count your blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

When you look at others with their lands and gold,
Think that Christ has promised you His wealth untold;
Count your many blessings. Wealth can never buy
Your reward in heaven, nor your home on high.

Count your blessings, name them one by one,
Count your blessings, see what God hath done!
Count your blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

So, amid the conflict whether great or small,
Do not be disheartened, God is over all;
Count your many blessings, angels will attend,
Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.

Count your blessings, name them one by one,
Count your blessings, see what God hath done!
Count your blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.