Matthew's Birth Story, Part Four: Recovery and Going Home!

The second day of Matthew's life brought some great news! Nathan had gone home that morning to do some things, so I was on my own. I went down to the NICU about 9:00 that morning to check on Matthew and be there for his next feeding, and the nurse greeted me with a big smile. The first words out of her mouth were,

"Do you want to hold him?"

"WHAT?! Really?! I can hold my baby?!"

I was so excited! They had taken the feeding tube out and had Matthew on IV fluids only, but they told me that I could try to nurse him if I wanted to. One of the requirements for his discharge would be that he take all feedings by mouth, rather than through the tube, so they were really trying to get him to eat. They also wanted me to have the chance to do some kangaroo care (skin-to-skin cuddle time) with him to help with his body temperature and respiratory issues. I wasn't complaining!

 Mommy and Matthew - Day Two!

It was a little awkward to try to hold him with all the tubes and wires everywhere, and I was worried that I was going to accidentally mess something up or pull something out.  The nurse was kind enough to offer to take a picture for me, and I really appreciated it so much. Then, I got the chance to try to breastfeed him, which made me so, so happy.

I spent as much time with Matthew as I could. Walking back and forth from the NICU to my room got a little redundant (as did washing my hands 400 times a day). I would walk down there, spend an hour or more there with Matthew, and then walk back to my room. He was on a strict feeding schedule, and was eating every three hours, and I was trying to make a point to be there for each feeding, if possible. By the time I finished pumping or whatever else I had to do (fill out birth certificate paperwork, get my vitals checked, meet with the OB or the pediatrician, sign a million consent forms for a ton of different things, have a quick meal, call or text people to let them know what was going on...), it was time to walk back down there again. Now, I know the nurses and doctors were there, caring for him non-stop, but I'm Matthew's mother, and I wanted to do as much as I could. I needed to feel like I was contributing to his healing, and I didn't want to be in a hospital room alone all day long with nothing to do except focus on my own anxiety.

For some reason, this sign always made me feel nervous.

And it never really got easier to walk into the unit and see my baby surrounded by so much...stuff.

The best news of the day came that afternoon. They were still doing periodic x-rays of Matthew's lungs, and they had done one that morning. On one of my trips to see Matthew, the doctor came over to tell me that the pneumothorax (the hole in Matthew's lung) had completely resolved! It was gone! Wooooohooooo!

That afternoon, Nathan came back to the hospital and my parents brought the kids up to see me. We did take Ethan and Zoe down to the NICU to see their little brother, but it was a huge ordeal. We had to present their shot records for review before they were allowed to go back, and they had to scrub just like the adults. Also, they could only go in one at a time for fifteen minutes each. Poor Nicholas wasn't able to go because there was a vaccination that wasn't written down on his shot record. We decided not to take Anna because she's still so little.

Later that day, we had some other visitors. Joseph and Marissa came with their kiddos, and John and Sharon were there, too. It made me feel better to see everyone, and when they left it was kind of depressing. John bought us dinner from a local Mexican restaurant and brought in a huge (very yummy) chocolate cake.

By the time the next morning (Monday, the 7th) rolled around, he was still improving. The doctor had issued orders during the night to reduce the amount of oxygen he was breathing and also to reduce the flow, and his oxygen saturation numbers had been stable for more than 12 hours. This meant that Matthew was starting to be able to breathe better without help, and those breaths that he was taking were effectively getting oxygen into his system. All good news! 

When I went to visit later that afternoon, I got two more surprises!

No nasal cannula and no IV!

Matthew was happy about it, too. :)

At this point, we were just watching him to make sure that he was going to be completely stable without any help. His respiratory rate was close to normal, his heart rate was fine, he was taking all feedings by mouth, he no longer needed oxygen, he didn't need IV fluids anymore, and his body temperature and blood sugar were normal and being regulated as they should be. I couldn't believe how much progress he had made in just two short days! It was really looking possible that we could be bringing him home very soon, but I tried not to get my hopes up. I wanted him to be completely well before they let him leave, and I knew that only time would tell us if he had totally healed.

That day was kind of awkward for me. I was being discharged from the hospital, but Matthew wasn't. No one seemed to know if I was going to be able to stay there an extra day and be with him, and it took forever for anyone to make a final decision. At some point during the day, my nurse came to tell me that I was definitely going to be discharged, but they were going to let me stay in my room, as a courtesy, for as long as Matthew was still in the NICU, since he was expected to go home soon. I was staying there, and could still receive meals and use the little mini-kitchens they have available for patients, but I could no longer receive medication, sanitary supplies, or medical attention from the nurses. No one was going to come into my room to check on me anymore. I didn't have any access to anything outside the hospital and I didn't have a vehicle there, so I went off meds without any choice. Luckily, I was feeling pretty good and wasn't having much pain.

I have to say, though, that night was a little scary. I was in the hospital, but it was more like a twisted hotel visit. There were so many familiar-yet-scary noises in the hallways, people were always shuffling around, and I was still restricted by a lot of the hospital rules, but I wasn't really "there" anymore. Nathan was at home with the other kids, so I spent that night alone. I tried to avoid being freaked out by staying with Matthew as much as I could. Those NICU nurses probably thought I was clingy, but I couldn't help it. At that point, the NICU was much less freaky than my empty, dark hospital room. All the walking back and forth was really taking its toll on me, however, and I was starting to have some pain. I just had to deal with it, though, because there wasn't a way for me to get any medication. I wanted to go home!!

Tuesday morning (the 8th), I walked into the NICU and saw this:

A big boy bed!!

Matthew was still doing well and totally stable! I waited around for his doctor to come through and talk with me, but he was doing rounds at another hospital. So, I just hung out there for a while with my baby, and then went in search of a quick breakfast. Seriously, the waiting was horrible! Also, there were a couple of other things that needed to happen before Matthew could go home. First of all, we wanted to have him circumsized, but they couldn't do that until he was stable, so it hadn't happened yet. I received word that my OB was on his way over to do the procedure later that afternoon. Also, Matthew needed to have his hearing screened before he could go home.

Just before lunch, Matthew's doctor called my room and told me the best news ever. Matthew was going home! THAT AFTERNOON!! The doctor was almost as excited as I was, and he promised to come and see us again before Matthew "graduated."

I was so thrilled and so ready to leave with my baby!  I ran around my room, packing up all my things and gathering everything that we needed to take with us. I knew I couldn't take it all with me to the NICU, so I put it all in a pile so we could come back and get it later.

Dr. P came that afternoon and did Matthew's circumcision. I happened to arrive at the NICU just after they had taken him for the procedure, so I spent some more time just waiting. I sent Nathan a message to let him know that we were close, and he started heading back up to the hospital to come and get us. Almost immediately after it was over, a woman showed up to do his hearing screen. At that point, we were just minutes away from being able to leave!

 Matthew's last NICU picture!

Nathan got there, grabbed my stuff from my room, brought the car seat into the NICU, and we were ready to load up our sweet baby and go! At that point, Matthew's doctor came back and saw us. He was so happy that we were able to leave, and asked us if we had any final questions for him. His exact words were, "All of the things that brought Matthew to the NICU are completely resolved, and I have no doubt that he is completely, 100% better." Talk about a huge relief! Hearing that, and knowing that I didn't have to be afraid to take my baby home, helped me to relax to the point that I was almost in tears.

We walked out of there minutes later, carrying our precious baby boy! My heart was bursting, it was so full!

Of course, we had to go and pick up the other kids from the Alexanders' house. We hadn't told them whether or not Matthew was going to come home, and we wanted it to be a surprise. They were definitely surprised! There was a lot of excitement in that house, for sure! The cutest reaction came from Anna. I was certain that she would be upset or unsure about the baby, because she's too young to really understand and she's very attached to me. I didn't need to worry at all. She practically jumped out of her chair and was screaming, "Baby! Baby brother! New baby! Look, Daddy, new baby!!"

 She is so proud of her new brother!

As of today, two weeks later, Matthew is doing just fine. He hasn't had any complications or issues relating to the problems that landed him in the NICU, and it thrills me to see how well he is! He's nursing like a champ, which means we haven't had to use any more formula or bottles, and I got to stop pumping! Yay!

We know how lucky we are to have a healthy baby, and are so thankful that he is better. Things could have gone much differently and could have been so much worse! We are very appreciative of all the doctors and nurses at the hospital who were so instrumental in his healing.

Matthew's Birth Story, Part Three: Complications

Although Matthew's birth had been very fast, it was a perfect experience and there were no complications. Everything seemed to be just fine!

After the nurses' initially assessed Matthew, they noticed that he was grunting, which can be a sign of respiratory issues. It was assumed that he had aspirated some amniotic fluid (and also some meconium, since he'd had a bowel movement in utero), and the quick delivery didn't help because he didn't spend enough time in the birth canal to get it all squeezed out of his lungs. The nurses tried to suction him out really well to help him breathe more easily.

They watched him for a minute or two, and then told me that they would like to put him on my chest for some skin-to-skin contact, to see if that would help him come around a little bit. So, I took him, even though I was still feeling very shaky and weak, and I wasn't sure how well I could hold him. I asked Nathan to stay close to me in case I lost my grip or something. Matthew was crying a bit, I could feel his rapid and shallow breathing, and I could hear him grunting.

I had about fifteen or twenty minutes with him before the nurses took him again and said they wanted to try and suction him again to see if it would help. So, he was out of my arms again. They had him under the warmer and were working with him a little bit, but the decision was finally made to take him to the nursery for closer monitoring. Everyone was acting like it wasn't a big deal, so I didn't think much about it or that he might be in danger. Nathan went with him, so I was left in the room all by myself.

A little while later, Nathan sent me a text message to tell me that Matthew was being moved to the NICU so they could watch him better. The rational part of me knew that if it was truly a big deal, there would have been a major scramble to get him there immediately after he was born. The irrational, postpartum, hormonal part of me was intensely freaking out. Of course, all the worst-case scenarios came quickly to my mind, and I was a bundle of nerves. There wasn't anything I could do, either, because I couldn't get up and around yet and no one was in the room with me. The only thought that kept crossing my mind was that if anything happened to Matthew, if he died, I barely got to hold him at all. I felt so racked with guilt for not paying closer attention to him when he was in my arms, it almost made me sick. How could I have taken those moments for granted? Was I being overdramatic? Maybe, but I couldn't think about anything else. I sat there and struggled to remember exactly how he felt when he was against me, how he smelled, and every little sound that he made.

Nathan came back when they were getting ready to move me to a room in the mother/baby area of the hospital, and told me that he had spoken with Matthew's doctor in the NICU. He seemed encouraging and very nice, and it put my mind at ease a little bit to hear that. There were more issues affecting our baby than we originally thought, but he was being closely monitored.

The NICU charge nurse came in to talk with us both before they moved me, just to give us some information about that area of the hospital, and to be sure that we knew to contact her if we had any questions or problems. Listening to her talking about the NICU made me worry a bit more, because it seemed like Matthew was in a much more serious situation than we originally thought.

Once I was in a room, had spoken with my nurse for the afternoon, and had been up and around a little bit, I was cleared to head down to the NICU to see my baby. Nathan warned me that it was scary. Matthew was hooked up to all kinds of monitors, they had put in a feeding tube, and there was constant noise from alarms. I was scared. I'd never been in a NICU before, and I think it would be upsetting enough to visit one even if your baby wasn't a patient there. As we walked through the hallways and got closer, I became a nervous wreck. I wasn't sure I liked the idea of going in there, but I desperately wanted to see my baby!

Before going in, you have to do a three-minute scrub at a huge, stainless steel sink - something like a surgeon's scrub before surgery. It was weird to have to sanitize myself before visiting my own child. I understood that it wasn't just for my baby, but for the health and safety of the other babies as well. Scrubbing around my IV/saline lock and the four thousand hospital bracelets was a little tough, though.

When we went inside, Matthew was the first baby in the unit to the left. I wasn't totally prepared for what I saw.

My poor little baby.

He looked so helpless and fragile.

Nathan and I stood there with him for a while, because his nurse was busy with another baby, and all we could do was just touch his back and the top of his head. I was watching him breath, and it was so rapid - it really scared me. His whole body was shaking with the effort to get any air. Hearing multiple alarms going off at any given moment, smelling all the different smells in the NICU, listening to the doctors and nurses chattering, trying to figure out what all the numbers on Matthew's screen meant, wondering if my baby was going to come home with us...I was completely overwhelmed. It was too much. And I couldn't pick him up. It was like I had to wait to ask permission to be close to my baby boy, and I wasn't sure what to do with myself. I just stood there in my hospital gown, a total emotional mess.

Finally, the nurse came over to sit down and talk with us about Matthew and all the things that were going on. The first thing she did was tell us that we really shouldn't be touching him. Yes, you read that correctly. We got reprimanded for touching our baby. Now, I know there was a good reason for that (and I'll get into that in a moment), but it really, really upset me a lot. We were allowed to put our hand on his head, but we couldn't rub him or stroke him at all, because it could wake him up, get him excited, and cause him to move around a lot, and they didn't want him to do that. They wanted him to be still and sleep so he could heal.

She told us about all the monitors and things, and what each was for. She explained the numbers as well, and told us the normal ranges for oxygen saturation, respiratory rate, and heart rate. She told us about the oxygen he was receiving through his nasal cannula, explained "flow" to us, and told us what "room air" was. It was nice to have some factual information, but it didn't really make me feel any better.

We got the basic rundown on his condition, which was the following:

1. Matthew had fluid in his lungs (aspirated anmiotic fluid/meconium). His lungs were "sticky" as a result of that, making it difficult to breathe. 

2. He was retracting (he was struggling to take a breath and get his lungs to reopen after he would exhale - you could see him working to inhale because the skin would be pulled tight against his lungs and on his throat).

3. He had a very high respiratory rate (he was having to work really hard to get oxygen and couldn't get his lungs to open well, so he sped up the number of breaths he was taking to compensate). Normal RR for newborns is about 30-60 (I think?), and Matthew's was initially in the 130's and higher.

4. He wasn't getting enough oxygen and had low saturation numbers (for the breaths he was taking, he just wasn't taking in enough oxygen to allow his body to function as it was supposed to, so his oxygen saturation numbers were dropping). 

5. He had a pneumothorax (a hole or tear in one of his lungs from some unknown cause, leaking air into the chest cavity). This showed up on the chest x-rays they did in the NICU, but they weren't sure about the cause. It could have been from Matthew struggling to breathe, or it could have been caused by the meconium (which can cause a sort of chemical burn to the inside of an infant's lungs if inhaled).
6. His blood sugar was low (no big deal and easily resolved, but they still had to watch it).

7. He wasn't maintaining his own body temperature (it was too low, and he had to be under a warmer until it leveled off).

Matthew couldn't be held or touched very much, and they were really limiting his contact with people and trying to keep him quiet. They were afraid if he got excited or started to cry, the pneumothorax would get bigger and he'd have more problems. If too much air leaked into his chest cavity, they would have to insert a needle to allow it to escape. 

The whole time the nurse was talking with us, I was crying. I'm sure she was used to seeing that, but I felt like a huge fool. Honestly, the struggles that Matthew was having were nothing in comparison to some that other families have to deal with, and I felt slightly selfish for being so upset when my child's prognosis was actually very good. However, I had just given birth to him, and I wanted to snuggle him and feed him. This was not how I expected things to be at all, and I was dealing with that, emotionally. 

Matthew's doctor came over at that point to talk with us, and he was an angel, I swear. He was so, so sweet, and he really put my mind at ease very quickly. Basically, he said something like, "All these things are fixable. He's going to be just FINE, eventually. It's just a matter of how long it takes to get there. But don't worry - he's in good hands." 

I told the nurses that I was totally fine with formula feeding, pacifiers, and anything else that they thought he might need to get better. I wanted to breastfeed, obviously, but they wanted his blood sugar to come up, which meant he had to eat something (and my milk wouldn't be in for a couple of days, most likely). I resolved to start pumping as soon as I could to try to get my milk to come in so that I would have a chance at nursing.

We went back to my room, where I finally ordered something to eat (I hadn't had any food all day long and it was already almost dinnertime). Nathan was really encouraging to me, and reinforced all the things the doctor told us to try and calm my worries. It was weird and depressing to be sitting in a mother/baby room, with no baby. I couldn't even care for my baby at that point, so I just had to sit there with nothing to do. We both agreed that the kids shouldn't come up and visit, even though I missed them like crazy and wanted to see them, because it would be hard to explain what was happening and why they couldn't see their brother. I didn't want them to be scared or upset. My parents were taking care of them at that point, and I knew they would do a great job of explaining the situation to them in a way they could understand.

I was feeling pretty good, physically. I was a little sore and cramping a bit, and I did end up tearing during delivery, so my stitches were a little tender. Other than that, I felt okay. Nathan was filling me in on all the things that happened during delivery, and it was good for a laugh or two. Apparently, I managed to spray the OB with all kinds of wonderful "birthing fluids," and she had to go home and change her clothes! Haha! Is it really awful that I didn't feel that badly about it, because she was a little, um, rude? :) Also, I apparently shot blood across the L&D room and hit the wall. Oops!

The rest of the night was filled with restless sleep, random trips to the NICU to check on Matthew, pumping, and lots of visits from nurses and other random hospital staff. As much as I tried to relax, I just couldn't. I wasn't sure what was going to happen next.

Matthew's Birth Story, Part Two: He's Here!

Nathan and I woke up at around 6:00 or so on Saturday, the 5th. I was getting ready to head to the grocery store to pick up some last-minute inventory items, with the thought that no one would feel like running out to grab anything once the baby was born. Starting at around 7:00, I started having those very familiar Braxton Hicks contractions very regularly. I told Nathan, and he and I both thought I should wait it out, because we were already told that prodromal labor can come and go and last for a long time. Until things intensified significantly, I decided to stay at home and see what would happen. I figured my body was just messing with me again, and I knew better than to get my hopes up.

After waiting a while, I noticed that the contractions were getting a lot more intense. I finally told Nathan that we should probably just go ahead and head to the hospital, just in case, because I didn't want to have the baby at home. I was really hesitant, because I didn't want to spend another day in L&D for something that was just a false alarm. After going back and forth about it for a little bit, we got into Nathan's truck and started the drive to Austin. 

Once we were about halfway there, I realized that the trip would not be a wasted one. In fact, the closer we got to the hospital, the more terrified I became, because everything was starting to get extremely painful and really intense very, very quickly. I was desperately watching the road and all the familiar landmarks, mentally checking them off as we drove, thinking, "Okay, we're getting closer. Okay, that's another five miles." When Nathan pulled up to the entrance to the Women's Center and I got out of the truck, I almost burst into tears with pure relief. I didn't even wait for Nathan to go park the truck. I went inside, took the elevator, and marched myself into L&D as quickly as I could. I was met by two nurses who took one look at me and immediately ushered me into a room and started getting everything ready. It was a great relief to be in an actual room and know that this time was the real deal.

We arrived at the hospital around 9:00 a.m.

Getting into the hospital gown was interesting. I'm sure that it would have been hilarious if someone had been watching. It was like a strange, painful version of Bathroom Twister or something. Shirt off...contraction...pants off...contraction..."Where'd I put the gown?"...contraction..."How am I going to get my shoes off?"...contraction...

Once I was in the bed, one of the nurses started on my IV very quickly. I was Group B Strep positive this pregnancy, so they wanted to get antibiotics into my system as soon as they could. Meanwhile, the other nurse (who was my nurse through this whole experience), Cyndi, was trying to get things in place for delivery. She asked me if I wanted an epidural. My answer was, "OH, YES! But I don't think I'll have time to get one." Normally, the nurses are a little condescending and tend to think that their patients are being dramatic. Cyndi wasn't like that at all. She was a huge advocate for me throughout the entire delivery and she really listened to me. She said, "This is your fifth baby, and you probably know better than anyone how this is going to be." I appreciated it so much! Anyway, after she asked about the epidural, she told me that she would go ahead and start pushing some fluids into my system and get my labwork out so we could get it going as soon as possible. I knew it was going to take a while, so I didn't get my hopes up at all. Once the IV was all hooked up and the juices were flowing, Cyndi checked me to see how far I had progressed. I was already at 7 cm. at that point, only about 2 hours into labor.

Another thirty minutes of contractions or so, and Cyndi told me that my labwork came back just fine and I was all clear to have the epidural if I wanted one. Of course I did, but I knew that I probably didn't have a realistic shot at it. I was in too much pain, and the contractions were coming almost right on top of one another. I had to be close. I asked her to go ahead and get everything ready, but wondered whether she might go ahead and check me again before actually calling anyone. So, she brought in the anesthesiologist's cart and got ready to check me again. Yep...I was at 9 cm. No time for drugs! I asked her if we could go ahead and break my water so we could just get to pushing. She had no problem with that at all. I told her that I was worried that it would all happen very quickly, so she probably should page the on-call OB and tell them to start heading this way. (Dr. P was in Colorado during this time, skiing. What a turd!)  Apparently, the OB that was taking care of all Dr. P's patients didn't think there was any reason to rush, and she said to just give her another ring when I was ready. Cyndi said, "Well, I delivered a baby last week, and I'll do it again if I need to!" So, she got ready to break my water. I didn't even know that the nurses could do that, because I've only ever had a doctor do it (and it broke on its own when Anna was born).

So, Cyndi came over and broke my water. Boom. This is the part where the details get fuzzy. My pain level went from "ouch, ouch, ouch...that really hurts" to "oh, sweet baby Jesus, I'm being run over by a freight train and burned alive!!" in about two seconds. I remember her saying something about how I still had a tiny bit of cervix left that she was pushing aside, but all the pain melted together and I didn't notice anything specific. Suddenly, I wanted to push more than anything I've ever experienced. The OB was apparently coming into the room and getting ready, but I didn't feel like waiting for her to finish messing around (especially since she took her sweet time getting there in the first place). I announced loudly that I was going to push, and someone better get ready to catch the baby.

I had my eyes closed, so I don't really know what happened, specifically. I just pushed as hard as I could. That "ring of fire" thing is no joke, by the way. Holy OUCH. I know that his head was delivered with one huge push, and then the OB told me to stop pushing so she could deliver his shoulders. Then, with one small push, he was out.

They handed him to me immediately, and I held him for a couple of minutes, but I didn't really trust my arms at that point, because I started shaking uncontrollably and couldn't stop it. I was afraid I was going to drop him! Daddy cut the cord and we just took a second to enjoy the fact that he was finally here with us!

The nurses took him and started to clean him up, assess him, and take all the measurements, and Daddy got the camera ready. We didn't have any pictures up until this point because of how quickly everything moved.

Matthew James Alexander

1/5/13 - 10:06 a.m.

8 pounds - 21 inches long

He seemed really great, and I asked the nurses if he was okay. I could hear him crying, so I knew that he was breathing, and he was very pink. His Apgar scores were great (9/9, I believe), and everything seemed to be just fine. A few minutes later, though, things changed a little bit.

Matthew's Birth Story, Part One: Prelude to A Baby

I guess the true beginning of this story took place on New Year's Eve/New Year's Day. I was feeling extremely uncomfortable that evening, and Nathan and I were just chilling on the couch, watching a movie together. I was having consistent Braxton Hicks contractions that were getting intense, so I started walking around and changing positions to see if they would stop. They didn't. I went into the bedroom, lay down on my side, and started timing them. They seemed very regular, so after a couple of hours, I told Nathan that I would feel better if we went into Austin. My last labor was so quick that I was afraid to be at home much longer, as I knew things could progress very, very quickly.

So, we started the trip into Austin just as the New Year came in, watching fireworks explode in the sky as we were driving down the highway. We checked into L&D, I was hooked up to monitors, and we just waited.

For seven hours we watched as I had regular contractions, and I was starting to have pain. Despite all the discomfort and despite what we saw on the monitors, however, I just wasn't making any more progress. I walked the hallways of L&D with my poor, sleep-deprived husband, wondering what was going on in all the other rooms, and feeling pangs of sadness whenever I would hear a baby cry. When I felt the contractions easing up after the fifth or sixth lap, I realized that it just wasn't going to happen that day. Finally, I made the decision to go home, knowing that I would risk a homebirth if something suddenly happened. I didn't want to sit on the uncomfortable triage bed anymore, and I couldn't be admitted to L&D without making more progress. Also, because I was only just past 37 weeks, the nurses and the on-call OB couldn't do any sort of intervention to help labor progress without medical authorization from my doctor or without some kind of emergency. Truth be told, I didn't want them to intervene. I didn't want anything resembling an induction at all. No, thank you! I knew that the baby would come whenever he was ready to come, and that it would be unmistakeable at that point that I was in labor. They told me that I was in prodromal labor, which can be just as painful as the real thing, and can last for hours (or even days!) without helping things to progress. Fun stuff. So, we went home.

The next day, I had some pretty sore muscles, but I really felt great! It was nice to have an end to the pain, but I have to admit that I was a little disappointed to have gone through all that without getting a baby in the end. I focused on finishing the last few things that needed to be done before the baby was born, because something was telling me that we didn't have much longer to wait. I made plans for one last trek to the store for some stocking up so we didn't have to worry about any essentials afterward. Since the kids were going to be at my parents on Friday night, I thought it would be good to go early Saturday morning, without having to take four kids along and before it got really busy in town. It was a good idea, but that's not exactly how the weekend ultimately played out!

Healing up!

Nicholas' surgery went really, really well! Thank you all for your prayers, words of encouragement, and happy thoughts. We appreciate it all so very much!

The tour that we took last weekend was a huge help, and I am so glad that we decided to do it. We were all very familiar with the procedures and the schedule for the day before we even arrived, and it really reduced our nervousness a lot. The staff at Dell Children's is incredible, and they really go out of their way to ensure the comfort of the kids (and the parents!).

We only waited for about 10-15 minutes before they called us back, and they took Nicky's vitals and asked us a lot of questions about medical history. Then, we got to meet each of the individuals that would be in the OR with Nicky. The surgeon, the nurses, the anesthesiologist, and the nurse anesthetist, to name a few. A child life specialist also came in to talk with Nicky about what was going on and to help him feel a little more comfortable with everything.

In his hospital pajamas, just waiting to head back to surgery!

The worst part of the whole experience? When they were ready for him, the whole team came to get him and walk him back to the OR. We were only allowed to go so far with him, then he had to walk the rest of the hallway without us. At the moment when we had to say goodbye to him, he latched on to me, would not let go, and became hysterical. I was trying SO hard not to cry, because I didn't want him to see that I was upset. I just told him that they were going to take really great care of him, that he would soon be sleeping, and when he opened his eyes again, it would all be over and we would be there with him again. Then he hugged Daddy, and they basically had to detach him from us and take him down the hall. It was really, really upsetting, and Nathan and I were both very shaken.

We went to the waiting room, where we basically tried to distract ourselves (unsuccessfully) to avoid staring at the progress monitor the entire time without blinking. They have a big screen that lists the names of all the surgeons at Dell each day, and it tells you where they are at all times (or basically, where their patients are). Next to Dr. Garcia's name, it said "In Surgery," when Nicky was back there. We just keep waiting for it to change, and we were both so upset that we couldn't really keep ourselves occupied.

We didn't have to wait long, thankfully. It was about 30 minutes from the time we sat down when they paged us and put us into another room so that Dr. Garcia could come and talk to us. About two minutes later, she came in and told us that everything went really, really well, and that he was already in recovery trying to wake up.

We went back to the waiting room until they paged us to go to recovery, and barely had time to sit down before we had to get up again and go back. Nicky was wide awake when we got there, eating a huge rainbow popsicle.

"Mom, can I just eat this in peace, please?"

Of course, the main topic of conversation in the recovery room was his hair color. We can't go anywhere, I swear. Anyway, he was doing so well, and it made us both so happy to see that he was okay and relieved that it was all over.

We were moved again to another room where they could monitor his vitals for a little while longer before we were discharged, and he spent some time watching Mickey Mouse and eating more popsicles.

He had FOUR popsicles before we left the hospital. The nurses just laughed.

After only about thirty minutes or so, his nurse came in with discharge papers and instructions, and we started getting ready to leave. Nicky literally hopped out of bed and put his clothes on like nothing happened. Then, he got to ride a wheelchair out to the car.

Popsicle mouth.

The child actually jumped out of the wheelchair and climbed up into the car with no help. I can't think of many adults that could bounce back that quickly after having an operation. Unbelievable. He was awake during the entire ride home, watching a movie. He said he wanted to eat, and we told him that he could choose what he wanted and we would treat him. He picked "the place where they have those big sandwiches!" That's my child: he loves Subway.

And he's Nathan's child, because he doesn't like cucumbers.

Then, after a few rambunctious minutes at my parents' house (we had to go by and pick up Miss Anna), we went home.

The aftermath: Heaven help us! This child is crazy! Within hours of the surgery, he had already managed to remove the surgical dressing that was GLUED to his incision, so we had to call the surgeon's office to find out whether we needed to drive back to the hospital or not (it was supposed to stay on for a full week). We re-dressed the wound, and the next day he took that dressing off, too. He is supposed to be resting, with no strenuous activity, for a few days. No running, jumping, roughhousing, etc. Yeah, he's been doing laps around the house and I can't get him to sit still for anything. I'm worn out trying to keep up with him. He's going to bust his internal stitches and we're going to have to start all over. Oh, boy.

He's not on any pain meds now, doesn't seem to be having any discomfort, and he's totally back to normal. He has a follow-up appointment in four weeks with the surgeon, so we can check and make sure he's all healed. (If we can keep him still...)  :)

Getting ready for surgery

On Sunday afternoon, we took Nicky into Austin to visit Dell Children's Medical Center of Central Texas, the hospital where he will be having his surgery. The child life specialists at Dell provide pre-operative tours for kids, to familiarize them with the facility and to show them some of the things they can expect on the day of their operation. We are trying to do our best to ease any anxiety or fear that might come up when we take Nicky on Thursday, and we thought that taking him to look around and talk about what's coming would definitely take some of the pressure off. Having a better idea of what will happen that day eased my mind as well. I'm Nervous Mommy right now.

We were the only ones that showed up for the 1:30 tour, so Nicholas was the star of the show! The child life specialist that worked with us was really great, and was impressed with how smart our Nick-Nick is.

She had a box for Nicky that had some medical items inside, and let him take each one out and play while she told him what the doctors and nurses do with it. There was a stethoscope, a blood pressure cuff, an face mask for the "sleepy air," and several other things.

Finding his heartbeat.

He got to see the machine that will take his vital signs before and after surgery, and learned what each piece was. He seemed like he was really paying attention and was really interested in everything. He got to smell all the different scents that can be added to the "sleepy air" (anesthesia) he'll be given, and decided he liked the strawberry the best.

We all suited up to go back into the surgical area of the hospital after that, which got a huge laugh out of Nicky. Mom and Dad had to wear hats, face masks, and shoe covers, too! I'll bet we looked really cute, although I never saw a mirror (thank goodness).

We saw the room where Nicky will have his vitals taken, and saw all the toys that he'll be able to play with while we're waiting for surgery. Then, we got to go into an operating room! He learned that he would get the sleepy air once he was inside and on a bed, that he would be asleep in just a few seconds, and that he would not wake up during surgery.

The next stop was the recovery room, where he will wake up after surgery. I think he was most excited to hear that he would get a popsicle once he woke up!

So, we'll find out on Wednesday what time we need to report to the hospital. It will most likely be in the morning, we just don't have an exact time yet. Once we're there, and Nicky is taken back for surgery, the procedure should only take 30 minutes to an hour, so we shouldn't have to wait too long. We'll be able to bring him home later that day!

I'll post more after we're all done. Until then, if you could all pray for us (especially on Thursday!), I'd really appreciate it!

Tummy troubles

Our little Nicholas will be having surgery on the 22nd of this month. I'm a nervous mommy. 

About a year ago, I noticed that Nicky had something that looked like a second belly button pooching out on his tummy. When we went for his well-check, I mentioned it to the pediatrician. She said that it could be a number of things. First (and most likely) - a hernia, second (not likely) - a tumor, or third - some kind of random lump of tissue that was just hanging out under the skin. She made a note in his chart about the bump, where it was, the approximate size, and told us not to worry because we'd check on it again later.

Fast forward a year. 

 Can you see it?

Look about three inches about his belly button.

We went in for Nicky's four year-old well check. This time, when the doctor checked it, she felt as though it had increased in size and changed color a bit (getting bluish), so she decided it would be good to do an ultrasound to see what was going on.

Nicky was so great during the ultrasound - well-behaved and cooperative. The tech was impressed and gave him a Spiderman sticker. The very next day, the pediatrician called me to tell me that Nicky did indeed have a hernia, surgery would be needed for correction, and she was going to give us a referral for a surgical consultation.

Four thousand phone calls, another visit with a different pediatrician, and twenty-seven arguments with insurance companies later (grrrr...), we had an appointment to see the pediatric surgeon.

We met her on Monday, and she agrees 100% with our pediatrician. Nicholas has an epigastric hernia that will only be resolved by surgical means. The basic run-down: we do not have to do this surgery if we don't want to. Nicky is not in pain or in danger, and there aren't any complications right now from the hernia. However, choosing to wait could end up being more complicated and dangerous than getting this issue resolved quickly.

 Here's a picture for educational purposes.

Now, don't you feel smarter?

Basically, Nicky's abdominal wall (the fascia) has a defect, a small hole. It was probably present from the time he was born, we just didn't notice it until something from his insides poked through. That's where the problems come in. We don't know for sure what's poking through (no one told us if it was evident on the ultrasound, and the surgeon didn't mention anything). It could just be a piece of fat (the most common), or it could be a piece of something important, like his intestine. If we don't do the surgery, he could be just fine, and this could all resolve itself as he gets older. Alternatively, whatever has poked through the hole could get strangulated, start to necrose (rot), and we could end up with a much more urgent surgical situation and Nicky could get very sick.

So, my poor baby will be going under the knife in two weeks. We've planned to attend a pre-op tour of the hospital a few days before the operation, where they will explain some things to Nicky in kid-friendly language, show him around a bit, and just familiarize him in general with all the things that will be happening on the day of his procedure. I'm hoping this will keep him from melting down when we actually show up on the big day, and that it will ease some of my anxiety a bit. None of my kids has ever had surgery before, so this is a big deal for us.

The actual operation should only take about 30 minutes to an hour. It's just an outpatient procedure, so we'll be able to bring him home whenever he is fully awake and cleared to be discharged. The recovery is going to be...um...interesting, to say the very least. For the first few days, he really needs to be resting completely. Then, he's really supposed to be pretty relaxed and chilled out for TWO WEEKS. (I laughed out loud when the surgeon told us that.) Oh, kill me. Seriously, any of you that know Nicholas well will realize that is almost an impossibility. The child does not simply walk across a room, he somersaults. He can't tell a story without doing an interpretive dance at the same time. While watching a movie, he is rolling around on the couch or the floor while he recites dialog. This is the child that rips holes in the knees of his pants while he's playing inside the house. To have him be still for two weeks is going to be very, very difficult.

So, please send some prayers up for our little Nick-Nick, that the surgery would be fast and effective, and that his healing would be quick and easy. We'll keep you posted!

A really bad day

Let me preface this post by saying that I am extremely happy and grateful that we have a beautiful, healthy baby girl, and she is much loved by her parents. :) She is totally worth it.

I started feeling a little strange after we came home from the hospital, but I wasn't sure if any of the things that were bothering me were causes for concern or just normal postpartum issues. (It's sad that I have four children and I still wasn't sure.) I was suspicious of my blood pressure, since it had been elevated the last couple of weeks of my pregnancy, but I was reassured at my last OB visit (and at the hospital) that everything was fine. On Monday night (the 16th), I finally broke down and took a blood pressure reading. The first set of numbers I got was 160/105. My pulse was in the 40's. Oh. My. God. I tried so hard not to freak out, but all I got was a bunch of shaky, weepy tears.

It was late in the evening and my OB wasn't in the office, so I ended up on the phone with the on-call nurse at the hospital where I delivered. She felt pretty strongly that I should come in and be monitored. In fact, she was so worried that she called back two more times over the next couple of hours to check on me and see if I was coming in.

During the series of phone calls and hysterical break-downs (on my part), Nathan and I were trying to get the kids fed, changed, and put to bed for the night. I was sitting on the couch, simultaneously reading bedtime stories and fielding phone calls from the nurse, when Nathan comes storming through the house at top speed. Apparently, he had discovered that our entire backyard was full of water (and it hadn't rained in months). Yep. The main water line to our house had ruptured, and we had a massive flood going on. My poor husband marches back outside, armed with a plastic cup and rubber boots, to turn off the water and start digging. Meanwhile, I'm trying to figure out what to do about whether or not I should go to the hospital.

We decided to go. I was afraid to go to sleep! My pulse was so low, I seriously thought my heart was going to stop beating, and it scared me more than I've ever been in my life. My parents came over to get the kids, and we headed into Austin. They put us in Labor & Delivery, since I had just given birth less than a week before, and I was so grateful. We obviously had to take Anna with us, and I didn't want to sit in a disgusting emergency room and expose her to God-only-knows-what for several hours when she wasn't even a week old.

To make an extremely long story incredibly short: we were there for almost 24 hours before they allowed us to go home, and we met with my OB, two internists, a perinatologist, and a cardiologist before we could leave. I had at least 40 BP readings, a urinalysis, two series of blood tests, a CT scan of my head, an EKG, and an echocardiogram done. My blood pressure remained elevated the entire time I was there, so the decision was finally made to give me some medication to try to bring it down. It worked, and I immediately felt better (and my pulse came back up to normal).

Final determination? Well, the cardiologist really feels that this is pregnancy-induced hypertension, which is still hanging on due to all the extra fluid and blood volume in my body post-delivery. All the tests came back completely clear and normal, and I don't have a history of high blood pressure, so it doesn't seem that this is something I'll have for the rest of my life. I am taking a small daily dose of BP medication, which is keeping me in the normal ranges, and I am feeling much, much better.

You know how they say things happen in threes? Well, we already had two. The third wasn't far behind. Tuesday afternoon, while I'm sitting helpless in a hospital bed, we got a phone call from Nathan's parents about Nicholas. He was acting strangely, having small, incoherent fits, and he'd had a gushing nosebleed. I freaked out completely when I heard that, because the day before, he'd told us that he hit his head. I was thinking the worst, of course. My in-laws were going to bring him up to see the doctor a few hours later, and I couldn't even go and see him. I was seriously upset. That did wonders for my blood pressure, let me tell you.

A few hours later, we found out that Nicky was okay. There were just so many things that happened all at once, it seemed like something horrible was going on. It was just a series of strange coincidences. Anyway, he is completely fine, so no worries here.

Also, Nathan fixed the water line, and we had water the very next day.

My follow-up visit with the cardiologist this week went really well. He wants to see me back in two months, at which point they will do another echocardiogram, and we'll talk about how to wean from the medication. I can't wait! I'm hoping that it will be an easy transition, and I'll never have to worry with this again. The only small concern that I have is that this will be something that crops up later, if we have more children. The doctors did tell me that, as a result of this, I may be more prone to having BP issues during pregnancy. I now know what to watch for, so maybe it won't be such a dramatic issue. I also know that there's nothing wrong with my heart or my brain, so it's something that can be fixed with a little medication.

We've had some stressful times around here since Miss Anna was born, but I think it's all better now. She is worth it, as I said before, and I wouldn't trade her for anything!

Anna's Birth Story - Part Three (the finale)

Home again, home again...

It was so nice to be back home, where I could lounge on the couch when I wanted to, dig around in my refrigerator if I got hungry, and shower in my own bathroom. Wonderful. Added bonus: no nurses barging in to bother me (us) at 3:00 in the morning. Oh, and no needles.

Thursday afternoon, Anna woke up and started fussing because she wanted to eat. We had just been giving her bottles in the hospital, while I was using a pump to try and stimulate milk production. I noticed that it seemed like my milk was coming in, so I decided to try and nurse Anna, just to see if that time would be different. I had a lot of hesitation because it had been a negative experience (for us both) up to that point, but I really wanted it to work out.

Anna latched on after a little fussing and confusion, and the next thing I knew, she was nursing like a champ! I was so happy, I started to cry! Since the day we came home from the hospital, she has been 100% breastfed. No formula! Yay!

As for all the other typical newborn stuff, she's great! She's an excellent sleeper, and she's so laid-back. We have had very few issues with our sweet little girl.

So, was it worth it? The sleepless nights, horrible back/hip/leg pain, the headaches, the blood pressure problems, the incessant heartburn, the anxiety and stress...???

ABSOLUTELY!

Anna's Birth Story - Part Two

I got to hold Anna for quite a while before the nurses took her to take vitals, footprints, etc. It was great. She was so sweet! Once they did take her, they discovered that her body temperature was low. After a little cleaning and some routine stuff, they handed her back to me for some skin-to-skin contact and an attempt at breastfeeding. They were hoping that would help to bring her temperature up to normal. She did a great job at latching and nursing!

They finally took her to the nursery close to 11:30 so she could get a bath, and I was left alone in the labor and delivery room. The nurse came back eventually to help me change into a clean gown and all that fun stuff, and she told me that we were just waiting for a postpartum room to open up so they could move me. Then she left me alone again. Nathan was with Anna in the nursery, and I finally called him to find out what was taking so long. Apparently, Anna's blood sugar was extremely low, and her body temperature still hadn't normalized, so they couldn't even bathe her because they didn't want to make her cold. The nurses wanted to give her some formula to try to get her blood sugar up, and I reluctantly agreed, although I wasn't really happy that she was getting a bottle.

Finally, after another hour or two of waiting, my nurse came back to tell me that they were ready to move me to a room. She asked if I wanted to go by the nursery to see Anna, and of course I did!

She's Daddy's little girl already.

It was great to see my baby, but I wasn't really prepared to see the nurses sticking huge needles into my daughter's hands to try to draw some blood for testing. I think I felt the stick more than Anna did! It was too hard for me to watch them digging around in my baby's hand for a good vein and trying multiple times to get enough blood, so I asked to go back to my room. My parents were on their way up to see us and bringing the kids with them, so I waited for them while Nathan stayed in the nursery.

The kids arrived, and were immediately disappointed that their new baby sister was not in the room with me. I asked Nathan if he thought they would be able to see her through the nursery window (she was kind of in the back), and he said he would take them down there to see. So, I was left alone again. With no baby.

Eventually, they brought Anna to my room, all cleaned up and perfectly fine. The kids really enjoyed getting a chance to hold her. In fact, they were fighting over who was going to get to be next, and they all demanded second turns.

It was a little chaotic in my super-small hospital room, but we were happy that the kids were so excited to meet their sister.

A sad attempt at a first family photo.

We'll have to try this again.

That night, after visits from my family, Nathan's family, and the kids, we tried to settle down and get some rest. No such luck. Anna was wide awake and very upset with me the entire night. I kept feeding her, in hopes that she would eventually fall asleep, but she never did. No one slept at all. Early the next morning, our favorite nurse came in and saw how distraught and exhausted I was and how upset Anna was. She said, "She is SO hungry!" Immediately, I felt like the world's worst parent. I had been trying to feed her all night long, but I guess she just wasn't getting enough to make her happy. Caroline (our nurse) suggested we go ahead and give her a bottle, just to see if it made a difference. Instantly, Anna was happy and sleeping. I burst into tears. Bad Mommy!

We continued to give Anna formula while we were at the hospital, since my milk hadn't come in yet and she was obviously wanting to eat like a pig. I was very discouraged, thinking that I would not get to nurse her at all. Whenever I tried, she would scream hysterically. She was so frustrated with me that she didn't even want to try.

We were finally able to go home Thursday morning, and it was a great feeling to be out of the hospital. Nathan and I were both looking forward to a shower and sleeping in our own bed. 

Homeward bound!

Part three, the last chapter...coming soon!