What it's like to live with us: Part III

EPISODE ONE: WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

We are at my parents' house, all gathered in the living room. The kids are running around and playing, entertaining Grammy and Granddad. Suddenly, Zoe comes to a screeching halt and starts sniffing the air.

ZOE: It smells like men in here.

ME: It smells like men? I only see one man (pointing at Granddad).

We all burst into hysterical laughter, and Zoe starts screaming...

ZOE: No! NO!! I said it smells like MINT in here!!

We laugh even harder.

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EPIDSODE TWO: PRINCESS TROUBLES

(Grammy and Granddad told me this story, so I didn't get to witness it firsthand. I don't doubt it, though, as I know my daughter very well!)

Zoe is sitting on the couch, looking very somber. She lets out a huge sigh, and Grammy decides to find out what's wrong.

ZOE: Nicky and Ethan don't think I'm beautiful.

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EPISODE THREE: A RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE

The boys are watching an episode of Scooby-Doo, and I overhear the following conversation:

ETHAN: Look, Nicky! Shaggy has the Ten Commandments!

I wander into the room to investigate, as I don't recall Scooby-Doo being a religious program.

ME: Hey, buddy, I don't think those are the Ten Commandments.

ETHAN: Yes they are! There are words written on those rocks that Shaggy is holding!

ME: Um, I see the words, but I don't think they're the Ten Commandments.

ETHAN: They're not?

ME: No, buddy.

The show was actually about "The Curse of the Mummy" or something, and the writing was hieroglyphics on the inside of a tomb. Yeah, totally NOT the Ten Commandments.

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 EPISODE FOUR: DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL

It's about 6:45 in the morning, and the kids are starting to wake up and stumble into the living room. Ethan is the last one to wake up. He drags himself into the room and flops onto the couch.

ME: Good morning, Ethan. Did you have a good sleep?

ETHAN: ...

ME: Are you okay, buddy?

ETHAN (dramatically): I don't really want to say anything.

ME: Okay, you don't have to.

ETHAN (even more dramatically): I just don't want to talk about it.

ME: Well, I'm sorry I asked.

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EPISODE FIVE: WHEN WE ALL GET TO HEAVEN

I overheard this while the kids were playing in another room.

NICKY: I'm gonna shoot you, Zoe!

ZOE: No!! Don't shoot me!

NICKY: It's okay, Zoe! I'm gonna shoot you, but if you have Jesus in your heart, you can go to Heaven and be with God!

ZOE: But I don't want you to shoot me!

NICKY: Then you can go to Heaven!! You can be with God!!

ZOE: No! I don't want you to shoot me!!

Eventually, Zoe was able to convince the boys that she wasn't ready to visit Heaven quite yet. Several of their stuffed animals, however, wound up being massacred. The weapon of choice was a plastic french fry.

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EPISODE SIX: JUST DESSERTS

Again, we are all at the table, and everyone is finishing their lunch.

ZOE: I want buh-zirk.

ME: You want what? You want dessert?

ZOE: Yeah.

Her older brother decides to help her out with pronunciation.

NICKY: It's DUH-ZURT, Zoe. You said it wrong.

ZOE: I want buh-zurt!

ME: Dessert?

ZOE: Yes. Buh-zurt.

NICKY (shouting across the table): You said it WRONG, Zoe!!

ZOE: NO, I DIDN'T!!

Cue fighting. Exit Mommy, stage left.

What it's like to live with us: Part II

The last post seemed to be pretty popular, so I decided to keep going with this. I get tons of new material almost daily, so it's not hard.

EPISODE ONE: THE TURTLE IN THE ROOM

I'm in the kitchen (where else would I be?), cooking dinner (of course), and in marches Zoe. She's carrying a tiny plastic turtle. After a few moments, I notice that she's standing directly behind me and following my every movement with the toy. I'm getting irritated because I'm afraid I might step on her or trip over her, so I decide to figure out what she's doing.

ME: Zoe, you're in my way, sweetheart. What are you doing?

ZOE: The turtle is following you.

ME: Okay, well, can the turtle follow me later, because I'm afraid that you're going to get hurt if you stand right here while I'm cooking.

ZOE: Okay.

She starts to leave, but I notice she's moving with the approximate speed of growing grass.

ME: Honey, I really need you to get out of the kitchen, please. Can you go in the other room?

ZOE: The turtle walks really slow!

ME: *sigh* Of course he does. How could I forget?

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EPISODE TWO: DON'T BE A SUCKER

Sometimes we have to use a little bribery here at the Alexander household. On this particular (horrible) day, the kids took their naps without a fuss, so I allowed them to choose one piece of candy. They all wanted suckers, and they took a long time deciding which flavor. Finally, all three of them were happily smacking away on their lollipops and discussing their choices with one another.

ETHAN: Mmmmm! I got a blue one. What kind is it, Mama?

ME: Cotton candy.

ETHAN: It's cotton candy flavor. What did you get, Zoe?

ZOE: I don't know.

ME: It's the mystery flavor. You have to guess what it is.

ETHAN: What does it taste like, Zoe?

ZOE (in a dramatic voice): It tastes like mystery.

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EPISODE THREE: THE LAST SUPPER-EATER

We're eating dinner. Ethan is notorious for taking way too long to finish a meal, and it drives us to the point of insanity. On this particular night, we're eating something with noodles in it. Everyone else is done and we have all moved on to do other things. Ethan is taking FOREVER to eat the five remaining noodles in his bowl.

ETHAN: I'm done!

ME: Finally.

NATHAN: You ate everything? It's all gone?

ETHAN: Yep.

NATHAN (glancing in Ethan's bowl): Oh, there is a God!!

ME: *snickering*

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EPISODE FOUR: THE INJUSTICE OF IT ALL

The kids and I are going to the grocery store, and Ethan is upset because it's a nasty day. There's a little bit of drizzle coming down, but it's not really raining. The following conversation takes place:

ETHAN: It's raining!

ME: Well, not really. It's just sprinkling. No big deal. The car isn't even getting wet.

ETHAN: No, it's raining, and it makes my plan bad.

ME: What? It makes your plan bad?

ETHAN (huge, dramatic sigh): Yes, my plan is all messed up now.

ME: You had a plan? For what?

ETHAN: Well, I was going to go to Grammy's house and go outside, but I can't now. Grammy bought us new umbrellas and I was going to play with mine outside.

ME: Well, then, some rain would be a good thing, right? Then you could try out your new umbrella?

ETHAN: Yeah, but I don't want it to get wet.

ME: Uhhhhh...

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EPISODE FIVE: ONLY TIME WILL TELL

I'm cooking (do you see a trend here?). The kids come in and start pestering me about when lunch will be ready, because they are starving to the point of death.

ME: Guys, go play. The food will be ready in just a few minutes, I promise. If you stand here and bother me, I can't cook, and then you can't eat.

NICKY: I'm hungry!!

ME: I know! That's why you need to move out of the way so I can finish this.

ZOE: My tummy is hungry and it hurts.

ME: Well, go play for a couple of minutes and I'll get it all done as fast as I can!

ETHAN: How long is it going to take?
ME: Not long at all. I just don't want to trip over kids while I'm trying to get it finished.

ETHAN: But how long? Like one and a half inches?

ME (thoroughly confused and trying hard to not laugh): Yeah. One and a half inches and it's all done. Go play.

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Hope you all enjoyed a few laughs at our expense. Have an awesome weekend, everyone!

Eight months old!

  Look at my big girl!!

Tell her to STOP getting so old!

Anna is growing by leaps and bounds. I won't get any "official" measurements until her 9-month check-up, but our scale says that she's currently weighing in at around 17 1/2 pounds. She mastered sitting up at about six months, so now she's a pro, and she has somehow learned that she can inch around on her booty a little if she needs to get somewhere. It's not good for long distances, though, so we've been practicing scooting on hands and knees. She doesn't seem overly interested, so I have a feeling we won't see crawling for a while, if at all. She is super vocal, and is always babbling. Current favorite: banging on stuff.

Our major hangup is that she is refusing all forms of food, unless it comes straight from our plates. I'm still very careful about what she eats, because I don't want her to have common allergens (especially dairy). After trying desperately to get her to eat baby food, store-bought and homemade, pureed and smashed, all flavors and mixtures, I just gave up. She's going straight from breastmilk to table food, I guess. I'm just hoping to establish some kind of eating schedule and narrow down what she will and won't eat before she decides to wean herself from nursing.

Such a big girl!! I can't wait to see what the next few months will bring!