Some BIG news!

Note: This post will be super long, so if you don't want to kill ten minutes of your day, you should stop now. Or keep reading. :)

WE'RE HAVING A BABY!!!

I suppose the fourth time's the charm! So far, this one seems to be sticking (and healthy). I really wanted to spill the beans before now, but we decided to wait until we were fairly sure that everything was going to be okay. It's very hard to go back and "untell" people about a pregnancy.

So, to fill everyone in, I've been keeping a little "journal" of all the highlights up to this point. Like I said before, if you're already bored with this, you can just stop reading now. You won't hurt my feelings, I promise.

*****************************

I started to get a funny feeling during the second week of September. I totally shoved it to the back of my mind and refused to acknowledge it at all. There's no possible way that God would let me go through this again, right? Then, one night, Nathan made a comment (that I won't share, for fear of embarrassing someone) that made my stomach lurch. Reality hit me like a truck, and I knew that I needed to go buy a test. I finally got the nerve to get one a few days later, while the kids were at my parents' house.

9-11-10: Positive pregnancy test

My gut reaction: “Oh, no. I seriously cannot do this again. Just make it go away. Blink, blink…it’s not really there. It’s not really there! Oh, crap. It’s really there!”

I don’t know who I was trying to kid. The test line showed up before I even got the cap back on the test, and it was way darker than the control line.

 And there you have it.

Darkest positive I’ve ever had (probably because being in denial made me wait a long time to test). I immediately went to full body trembles and weepy tears as I collapsed on the floor of my parents’ bathroom, ready to throw up. I would love nothing more than to have another child (just carrying one past ten weeks would be miraculous at this point), but I was terrified. 

Fourth pregnancy in one year…can I survive this?

9-13-10: First OB call

Placed a call to my Dr. that morning and spoke with one of his nurses. They want to do blood work to test hCG and progesterone levels. Fine, fine, fine…yuck.

9-14-10: Blood tests, round one

Results? Well, I’m pregnant. I knew that already. My progesterone levels were “normal” but my OB wanted to put me on progesterone supplements “as a precaution.” Okay, so we finally got those figured out and had to drive into Austin to have them made for me.

9-19-10: Stopped progesterone

After the worst weekend of my life, I decided that progesterone is not my friend. I was taking a huge risk without the supplements, but I couldn’t continue to take them. The hormone had a narcotic effect on me. I was freaking out; my heart was racing, I was woozy and sleepy, and I was having panic attacks. Not cool. I talked to a nurse and told her that I couldn’t take them anymore. More blood work scheduled for the next Tuesday.

9-21-10: Blood tests, round two

Although I stopped the progesterone, my levels went up! Whew…maybe I’ll just be able to make it without the supplements after all. Thank God, because those things are pure evil in capsule form. I also had a “nice rise” in my hCG level, so something’s growing in there. I went ahead and scheduled my first OB appointment (the big ultrasound day) for October 12. Now I’m in nervous countdown mode.

I’m hoping that we’ll go in there and see a baby with a healthy heartbeat this time. I don’t know how I’m going to survive until then, wondering if I’m carrying another baby that won’t make it. It’s a long time to wait, not knowing if everything will be okay. Here we go: 21 days…

9-27-10: Home from vacation

We just got back from our annual Alexander beach trip at Port Aransas. It was fun, except I got the worst sunburn I’ve ever had in my entire life. That’ll hurt for a while. The best part about the trip? I was very distracted the whole time, and it helped knock a few days out of the countdown. Just 15 days…

10-6-10: Almost there…

Wow. I can’t believe I’ve actually made it this far. According to my calculations, I should be around 7-8 weeks by now, and I haven’t had anything happen that would indicate another miscarriage. Also, I’m feeling pretty darn disgusting these days, and that’s a great sign. I welcome the nausea and food aversions, because I know that means something good is happening in my belly! If I can make it through this weekend, my appointment is next Tuesday! Woohoo! Six days and counting!

10-12-10: First OB Appointment

I just about puked as I walked into the building because I was so nervous. The worst part was waiting an extra long time because my OB was running behind. I swear, I was going to give him another five minutes and then I was going to find and strangle him! He took one look at me and said, “Let’s just have a look before we talk. That will make everyone feel better.”

I was bracing myself to hear bad news, and I knew it was coming. I was just staring at the ultrasound screen, hoping to spy something recognizable. All of a sudden, I see a perfectly formed little bean, with little arm and leg buds! Wait, that’s not good enough, though. We’ve been there, in that exact situation before, and we’ve not seen a viable heartbeat, so the nervousness didn’t subside. Just then, at that moment, I spot a flickering…and it was still going! A perfectly paced, continuing heartbeat! I burst into happy tears, and everyone was smiling.

****************************

What are the chances that this will ultimately lead to a healthy baby, a sixth member of our family? According to my OB, about 95% in our favor! You cannot imagine the sheer relief that passed over me in that moment. I don’t think I would have been able to emotionally survive losing another baby. I do understand that we're not completely out of the woods, but I guess there are always bad things that can happen, even if you think you're in the clear. Life is just so uncertain.

So, we'll keep everyone posted. I'm planning to do a week-by-week update, so if you're annoyed by watching my pregnancy progress, inch by painful inch, then you probably shouldn't be checking my blog very often. :) I want to do it, and that's all that matters.

In closing, I would also like to say that I am completely thrilled to have several very good friends as belly buddies!! You guys know who you are...I won't give you away just yet!