What it's like to live with us: Part V

EPISODE ONE: NOT A DOG PERSON

We were in San Antonio, visiting my brother in-law, sister in-law, and our new nephew in the hospital just after he was born. There were no children under 12 allowed in the mother/baby area, so we took the kids outside to run around while Nathan and I took turns going to see the baby. The outdoor area was called The Zoe Garden. Two people were sitting down there near us, and they had a dog with them. Zoe is completely terrified, and will not take her eyes off the dog.

ME: Zoe, that dog is not going to come near you, I promise. He's going to stay over there with those people.

ZOE: I don't want that dog in my garden.

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EPISODE TWO: TERROR-IFIC

I'm getting lunch ready for the kids, and I hear a commotion at the table.

ETHAN: HELP!

I turn around to see that Zoe and Nicky have picked up their plates and are taking turns whacking Ethan over the head with them.

ETHAN: HELP ME! They're terrorizing me with paper plates!!

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EPISODE THREE: TIME LIMITS

The kids are at my parents' house one Saturday, playing. Grammy goes into the boys' room and informs them that it's getting close to nap time and they only have a few more minutes to play.

GRAMMY: Okay, guys, you have ten minutes.

ETHAN: No, we want eight minutes!

GRAMMY (smiling wickedly): Okay!

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EPISODE FOUR:  SLEEP MODE

We're in the car, headed home from the store. Suddenly, a voice randomly pipes up from the back of the car.

ETHAN: Mama, I forgot to tell you that when I was taking a nap today, I had a problem.

ME: Oh, yeah? What happened?

ETHAN: Well, I crossed my eyes while they were closed, before I went to sleep, and I had a problem. They were in that mode and I couldn't get them out. They were just stuck in that mode.

ME (confused): You crossed your eyes and they got stuck in that mode??

ETHAN: Yeah, they were just in that mode and I couldn't make them go back.

ME (trying not to laugh): You probably shouldn't do that anymore, then. We wouldn't want you to have crossed eyes forever.

ETHAN: Yeah.

I start snickering.

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EPISODE FIVE:  CAPTURE THE MOMENT

We are sitting at the kitchen table, eating lunch. I look up and see that Ethan has his eyes squinted, and is randomly blinking them while looking around at everyone.

ME: Son, what in the world are you doing? Are your eyes injured or something?

ETHAN: No. I'm okay!

ME: What are you doing? You're supposed to be eating.

ETHAN: I'm taking pictures with my eyes.

ME: Uh huh. Got it.

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EPISODE SIX: IN THE SPIRIT OF THE HOLIDAY

We're all on our way to church on Easter Sunday morning.This is a rough (and short) version of the conversation that happened on the way.

ETHAN: Is today Easter?

ME: Yep. Today is Easter! Do you know what's so important about Easter?

I figured the answer would be simple, given the fact that all the kids had heard the Resurrection story at least three times on the previous day.

ETHAN: Yep.

NICKY: We get CANDY!!

ZOE: In the Easter eggs!!

ETHAN: We have to go find the eggs, because they're hidden.

ME: Yes, we do that on Easter, but what is Easter really about? Why is it important? Do you remember?

ZOE: Will the eggs at Grandma's house have candy in them?

Nathan is cracking up.

NATHAN (sarcastically): Yep, the Easter bunny lays the eggs and they're full of candy!

ME: Guys, do you remember the story about Jesus, and how he died on the cross and then rose again? You remember us telling you that story?

ETHAN: Yes.

ME: That's what Easter is all about. That's why it's important, and that's what you'll learn about at church today.

ZOE: Are we going to Grandma's house?

ME: Yes. After church.

ZOE: Is she gonna have candy at her house?

I sigh and give up. Nathan is still laughing. I chuckle and shake my head in dismay.

NATHAN: Oh, good Lord.

ME: Well, at least we tried. Another holiday ruined by commercialism.