What it's like to live with us: Part VII

EPISODE ONE: NEED A MICROSCOPE?

Ethan is finishing up in the bathroom after taking a shower, and I realize I forgot to grab some clean underwear for him. He volunteers to go and get them, and goes streaking out of the bathroom and into his bedroom. Unfortunately, Zoe is standing in the living room with Daddy and sees the whole thing.

ETHAN (streaking): Zoe, don't look at me!

ZOE (to Daddy): I saw that tiny little thing that he pees out of.

Nathan starts laughing.

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EPISODE TWO: PUT YOUR MONEY WHERE YOUR MOUTH IS

We are trying to eat a meal, and Ethan will NOT shut up. He's making me crazy, and I have repeatedly asked him to please, please, please be quiet.

ME: Ethan, how much would I have to pay you to shut your mouth?

ETHAN: Ummm...probably $8.00.

ME: Is that all?

ETHAN: No, just $1.00. I don't need any money. I have some money from Granddad.

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EPISODE THREE: BAD FOR BUSINESS

A telemarketer called to ask if we were interested in accepting credit cards for Nathan's business (for the thousandth time). I told her that he had previously considered it, but that we were not interested at the time because it would not be beneficial to the business. She would not give up, seriously, and would not shut up. I had four kids yelling and going berserk in the background, so I finally told her in a very firm voice that we were NOT interested, and I would appreciate if she would not call back again. I hung up the phone.

ETHAN: You weren't very nice to that person. Who was it?

ME: Someone trying to sell something to Daddy that he didn't need. I told her no, and she kept bothering me about it.

ETHAN: Oh.

He thinks for a minute.

ETHAN: What if she has kids?

ME: Huh?!

ETHAN: That lady. You were rude to her. What if she has kids?

I feel guilty.

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EPISODE FOUR: YOU MIGHT NEED THOSE

The boys are in their room, playing together. I hear screaming, and Nicky comes tearing into the living room at top speed. He looks at me, breathless and shaken.

NICKY: Ethan scared me out of my brains!

ME: He scared you?

NICKY: Yeah, so bad my brains almost fell out!